Concert Etiquette; Don’t Be A Dick.

Inspired by a certain pain in the ass “lady” at the amazing concert I went to on Friday (and many other pains in the ass at many other past concerts), I decided to dedicate my next post to discuss the mysterious phenomenon Concert Etiquette – Consetiquette for short. Now, there is really only one rule you need to follow as a member of a concert audience, and it’s a very simple one;

Don’t Be A Dick.

But some people (a lot of people actually) need a little more clarity than that, so I’m gonna break it down for you – the rules of Concetiquette. The 8 sub-rules if you like, of Don’t Be A Dick. You’re welcome.

  1. If chatting to your mates is more important to you than listening to the music, stay at home. Go to a bar. Make a phone call. Chat away, just do it somewhere else and don’t ruin everybody else’s night.
  2. Your shushing is louder than the people you are shushing. Shhhut the fuck up.
  3. Whistle with care. If you have the fascinating ability to whistle loudly (you know, the fingers-in-your-mouth type of whistling), by all means, use that ability. But not right in my ear please.
  4. Don’t yell out random and unreasonable requests for the artists. They have a set list and an order for a reason, and they will probably not change their instrument and take up singing right there on the spot, just because you find it boring to listen to instrumental guitar music.
  5. Leave the front to the people who are actually there for the concert and not the booze. If you insist on drinking alcohol, do us all a favor and stay in the back where you will have a short way to the bar (and the toilets). That way you won’t have to push your way back and forth through a large crowd of people with 5 glasses of beer every half hour, leaving a trail of beer stanched (and increasingly unhappy) people behind you.
  6. Your drink belongs in your glass. Not my hair. Thank you.
  7. Keep your arms and legs to yourself. If you are incredibly drunk, or just struggle with body control in general – don’t dance. Or at least make sure you have a large area to yourself so you won’t knock someone unconscious with your flopping arms and legs.
  8. Stay off the stage! Do not, under any circumstances, stumble your drunk self on to the stage before the concert and molest the musicians’ equipment to tell a joke. This is expensive equipment. The mics on an empty stage will not be turned on. And even if they were, people are not there to hear you tell a joke, and you will only piss them off. And then, security will come and take you down. And they will not be impressed either.

I’m sure there are many more rules that should be on this list, so please feel free to add your own in the comments and I will edit them in (and give you credit of course). I know I’m not the only one who has ever been slightly annoyed by loud, drunk, obnoxious, inconsiderate, selfish and disrespectful people at concerts. Seriously, some people shouldn’t even be allowed out in public. To me, it’s just a matter of realizing that this is someone’s job, life, baby. Showing a little respect to all the work that has been put into the big production that a concert actually is, is not too much to ask. Also, a lot of people (yourself included) have paid money to enjoy a nice evening of live music, and making people’s evening less enjoyable by acting like a complete asshole is just an incredibly dickish thing to do. So please, the next time you go to a concert,  try to remember the rule of Consetiquette: Don’t Be A Dick. And if you have trouble remembering how not to be a dick, feel free to print out these sub-rules and use them as guide lines. THANK YOU!!

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Take care & keep Shining! I love you!

xxx,

Audrey

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4 Comments (+add yours?)

  1. Mile
    Jul 10, 2011 @ 15:33:34

    Hihihi. agreed!

    Reply

  2. Hilde
    Jul 10, 2011 @ 20:01:09

    Amen!
    Også må folk lære seg å se an hva slags type konsert det er. Rolig og akustisk – man beholder roen og nyter.
    Hardcore-et-eller-annet – man kan hoppe med og skrike ut. Ellers er det jo lov å bruke sunn fornuft, selv om det virker som om det er mangel på nettopp dette hos svært mange konsertgjengere.

    Reply

  3. Dan
    Jul 11, 2011 @ 01:22:10

    My personal pet hate at concerts – and I suppose this comes from the many sweaty rock gig scenarios I’ve subjected myself to over the years – is being in a hot, sweaty, packed crowd and having somebody nearby fart. This is surely the worst place to do it; worse than cutting one and leaving the room, worse than cutting one in a lift, worse than cutting one in front of your nan!? It’s fucking disgusting, and I deem it SO much worse because a) it adds to a gig odour which, at the best of times, smells like arse!, b) usually you’re unable to move so can’t hold your nose OR waft it away and c) it’s so perfect a crime, that brings dishonour to the rest of humanity!!! Okay…rant over 😉

    Reply

  4. Jenny
    Dec 31, 2011 @ 16:44:15

    My pet peeve happens when I’ve studiously arrived an hour early, positioned myself a foot away from the stage and the band’s finally come on and has started the first awesome opening song. Just when I’m getting into those first few chords and swaying to the music, that’s when I’m abruptly SHOVED from behind by some asshole who just muscled his/her way right into the foot wide space in front of me. Total douchebag. I am more than willing to share my space, but at the very least SAY EXCUSE ME!

    Reply

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