Nobody’s Wife = social outcast??

I just have to get something off my chest. Weddings are following me these days; people are planning bachelorette parties and shopping for wedding dresses all around me, and it just emphasizes what everyone who know me well already knows; that I have somewhat of an attitude towards the whole marriage thing. I just don’t get it. I have never been the kind of girl who grows up dreaming about her wedding day, picturing the wedding dress and the flowers and so on. I have actually never pictured my wedding day at all. I like weddings, but I don’t get all mooshy about them, or by seeing someone getting proposed to. The exception is this video though – HOLY CRAP!!

I’m not gonna lie – I weeped.

I used to think it was an age thing, that it’s something you are ready for at a certain age, but as the years passed and my attitude stayed the same, I realized… It’s just not me. I had so many illusions of what it meant to be 20, 25, 30 – and now I’m 26 and none of them turned out to be true. It was weird to see so many people from my year settling down, while I didn’t, and I don’t think I’ll ever get used to the thought of people my age as husbands and wives, mums and dads. And there are many of them. I never know how to react when people tell me the “big news”, but I always try my best to look excited. Because I know they are, and of course I am happy for them. I understand it is right for them. I just don’t get it, and I cannot put myself in the situation where I would ever feel the same way. But when I say it out loud, that I’m not sure if I ever want to get married, people look at me like I just grew an extra pair of eyes. And then there’s the classic (and oh so annoying) response – “I’m sure you’ll change your mind, just wait and see…” Are people such creatures of habit and routines that not wanting to get married makes me a social outcast??

Iiiiiik...!!

But why…?? I just feel like, what makes me qualified to know that I want to be with someone for the rest of my life?? I mean, I can know that I want to be with a person right now, but the rest of my life is (hopefully) a long time, and I don’t even know what I want to have for dinner tomorrow… Heck, I don’t even know what to have for dinner today. I can not tell the future. Things happen. People change. Sometimes feelings change to, shit happens, and it is never expected. I know how I feel right now, and for me, that’s enough. I’m happy. I don’t need a ring and a document to prove anything. It’s not important to me. I don’t want to call someone my husband – I am perfectly happy with having a boyfriend. An awesome one. Who loves me.  I’d rather be two separate people who choose to stay together, than one “unity” that should.


Open minded, after all... Don’t get me wrong; I am not saying that I will NEVER ever get married, though I realize that’s what it sounds like. I’m saying that right now, I can’t picture ever getting married. But like I said, people change, shit happens, and I may also change my mind. And even though I have never pictured what my wedding will be like, I have a pretty damn clear image of what it WON’T be like, should I ever do just that. I know that:

  • For one, I will never get married in a church, or in front of a priest. No way. I don’t have a religious bone in my body, and I feel like making a promise to a god that you in fact don’t believe in, is just wrong. I don’t care that it’s tradition, or that some people will think badly of me for doing it differently. It’s MY day, and if you’re gonna frown at me for doing it MY way, then I don’t want you there ruining it. NEXT!
  • I will not get married just because it’s expected of me. “But you’ve been together for so long, isn’t it about time to settle down, get married and have kids?” No. No it’s not. If I’m perfectly happy to live my life the way I do, who the hell are you to tell me otherwise??? NEEXT!
  • I will never get married “because of the kids.” “But it is safer for the kids if mum and dad are married.” Really? Cause I would think it’s safer for the kids if mum and dad like each other enough to stay together because they want to and not because they are bound to by law…??

Humongous, gigantic, elephant sized IF… Like I said, I’m not saying that I will never get married. So just for the fun of it, let’s try to imagine what it would be like, should I ever let myself get talked into marriage… If I ever got married (and that’s a pretty big-ass IF), it wouldn’t be for any of the reasons listed above. It would be because I want a nice little ceremony to celebrate my love for someone, followed by some food and a classy but awesome party with all my friends and family present. Which, to be fair, is probably the reason why anyone gets married – I just feel like there is often so much extra bullshit attached to it. My wedding day would all be fun, laid back and us. None of that let’s-sit-down-for-a-fancy-dinner-and-pretend-to-be-all-formal bullshit – the food is often so pretentious and snobby – no… If I ever get married, I wanna eat something I actually like. A big ass Southern Hospitality style barbeque maybe, outside in the sun somewhere. Summertime Norway by the fjord, that will do. Marie, wearing a bunad, will come walking up from the fjord, playing the violin, followed by me and my dad. And my dress? I don’t really care, as long as it looks nice. But it would be awesome if it was made by someone I know. I will certainly not spend a fuckload of money on a dress that I will only wear once, oh the insanity..! And I’d wear a bikini underneath, so I could hop in the fjord for a swim once it got too hot. Moahahaha… It wouldn’t even have to be white. I think I’d actually prefer if it wasn’t. Maybe I’d go for red – I just learned from Eileen yesterday that if you wear a red dress to a wedding, it apparently means that you are the groom’s lover. And well, marrying him is a pretty good indication of the same thing.  ;-P

Just a perfect day… The  ceremony would be short and sweet, with no mention of religion, but plenty mention of love, and when it was over, the barbeque would begin right away. It would be a wonderful summer day. Priscilla Ahn would sit there by her lonesome with a guitar, playing lovely songs. People would talk, laugh and play, and eat awesome food. Then, as the sun went down, VAMP would take over the stage, and the bar would open – with the amazing drink menu from Café Sør. And we would party until tomorrow took us.

❤ ❤ ❤ ❤ ❤

Actually, come to think about it… This does sound nice. Very nice. It’s sounds like the perfect day. I do get why people do it. But still… If I could just do all this, have this day, without the actual getting married part, it would be just perfect… Hmm… I might just have a NON-wedding. Haha, and everyone would have to congratulate us on NOT getting married, how good’s that!?

*************************************************************

“Dear (your name here).

We have the pleasure of inviting you to our non-wedding on July the 25th, in celebration of our love and the life we share together right now and for as long as we both shall live want to. There will be awesome food, awesome drinks, awesome music and awesome people. 

Dress code: bright colors and a smile. Swim wear optional.” 

*************************************************************

Would you come? 

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9 Comments (+add yours?)

  1. Charit
    Jun 16, 2011 @ 10:09:26

    I would come! ❤

    This is me, reading a blog, YOUR BLOG, because I just love you that darn much ❤ 😀

    PS: When you get married, I will be reading this post as part of your toast 😉

    Reply

  2. Susanne
    Jun 16, 2011 @ 11:24:30

    Veldig enig! Aldri fantasert om bryllupsdagen eller noe sånt. Og for en ubesluttsom type slik som meg som kan bruke halve dagen på dagligvare butikken, så høres det å love å være sammen med noen og love å elske dem for alltid ut som det aller skumleste i hele verden. Kunne seriøst laget en grøsser om det.

    Men jeg tipper at de fleste som gifter seg kristelig tenker ikke over det slik. De tenker heller på at det er normalt, at det er tradisjon, “alle gjør det”, kanskje at det er romantisk? Det hjelper ikke med de allminnelige forventningene foreldre ofte har til barna sine heller. Gå på skole, få lappen, få jobb, få leilighet/hus, flytt inn med kjæresten, gift deg, få barn, og så skjer det ingenting etter det…

    Herregud, har møtt på så mange som ikke har et eget liv etter de har fått unger, for da lever de igjennom dem? Ok, sorry, nå babler jeg fælt men ble bare litt engasjert her:p Jeg har i alle fall lyst til å leve skikkelig hele livet, jeg sier ikke at jeg ikke vil ha barn og ikke dedikere mye av min tid til dem, men at jeg vil ha det gøy og ta opp hobbier og den slags ting..

    Nå skal jeg slutte å plage deg! Stort pluss at du vil ha VAMP i bryllupet forresten, liker alle som liker musikk fra min by!! :p Haha, her i Haugesund er vi alltid super patriotiske når det gjelder ALT og ALLE som er herfra. Når noen er med på talent konkurranse på TV eller noe, stemmer hele byen som faen. Hvorfor tror du Erlend Bratland vant Norske Talenter liksom? Hahah.. Oi sorry nå begynner jeg å bable igjen. Slutter nå. Seriøst.

    Reply

  3. Susanne
    Jun 16, 2011 @ 11:30:25

    Hehe, meg igjen jaa!!

    Glemte å nevne at det finnes mange praktiske grunner til å bli gift med tanke på at det gir flere rettigheter til begge partene når det gjelder enkelte ting.

    Reply

    • audreywilsen
      Jun 16, 2011 @ 22:02:32

      Fniis, skravlebøtta… ❤ Digger det, kommenter i vei du! 😀

      Sant det, det er vel det eneste argumentet jeg ikke kan argumentere noe særlig mot. Det ER uten tvil økonomiske og praktiske fordeler med å være gift – men allikevel, jeg vil bare være MEG jeg… Nobody's Wife.

      Haha, jeg er også heeelt håpløs når det gjelder å ta de enkleste avgjørelser. 😛

      Godt å høre at det er flere enn meg som tenker litt sånn. Føler at mange bare gifter seg fordi det er "det neste skrittet". Alt er rutine, og det er SKUMMELT! Grøss… Litt sånn robotfilmaktig…

      VAMP RULER!!! ❤ Men du mener vel i ikke-bryllupet. ;-P

      Reply

  4. Linda
    Jun 19, 2011 @ 22:24:52

    Jeg er så enig – godt det er flere av oss 🙂 Men for all del, veldig koselig for de som bestemmer seg for å gifte seg og godt vi er forskjellige. Jeg er bare ikke helt der, aldri drømt om noe bryllup. Bare synd lovgivningen i Norge legger opp til flere rettigheter for de som er gift, selv om det har blitt bedre 🙂
    Du får inngå en allianse i stedet da veit du Audrey 😉

    Reply

    • audreywilsen
      Jun 22, 2011 @ 21:27:05

      Hehe, ja, jeg er glad jeg ikke er den eneste “ubrudelige” av oss…! 😛

      Hmm, sant det, de burde ikke gjøre det såååå mye vanskeligere for de som tar det personlige valget å ikke gifte seg. Hrmf…!!

      Reply

  5. katrineiarkansas
    Jun 21, 2011 @ 09:01:28

    Nå er jeg hjemme ja! Føles kjempebra, men kjenner jeg er litt lei av Norge også. Prøver allerede å finne ut hva jeg vil gjøre her i livet så jeg kan ta noe av utdanningen min i utlandet! Hvordan går det med deg da? Må bare si at jeg eeeelsker sangene dine, hører på dem hele tiden!

    Og forresten er jeg en av de jentene som har planlagt bryllupet sitt til punkt og prikke i en alder av 17. Haha 🙂

    Reply

    • audreywilsen
      Jun 22, 2011 @ 21:24:57

      Tihi, du er en av de ja! ;-P

      Skjønner det godt jeg – jeg vet ærlig talt ikke om jeg hadde klart å slå meg ned i Norge nå som jeg har bodd i “Verden”…! Men det er veeeldig deilig å være hjemme på besøk! =)

      Det går bra her vettu, er hjemme på laaaang sommerferie (begynner ikke igjen før 19.September)! Skal jobbe litt da, og gi sangtimer, så det blir spennende. =)
      Tusen takk! Det er koselig å høre! Håper på å få skrevet mye nytt i sommer – til høsten/vinteren blir det EP!:-D

      Har du tenkt noe mer på LIPA da?

      Reply

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